Unfinished

Ok, so (cheese) I started writing this blog about 3 times. Now that I've reached the 4th time, I know what I'm going to write about! Yay! I was flipping through the notebook that I write songs in, and I realized that I have lots of little parts of songs, maybe only a verse or two, and a few single lines. The objective was that I would eventually finish them, but for now lets just put them here for you to read.

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When I think about my life and what it looks like
I can't decide if I should run and hide, or come into the light

Because to me my life feels like a contradiction
Like half of what I do is nothing but a work of fiction

But is it really true, or am I lying to myself?
Turn the page, begin another chapter.
Never mind, it's useless
put the book back on the shelf

I thought that I was poetry, creatively composed
But it turns out I'm a mystery
and how it ends nobody knows
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Hey look, they said I couldn't do it
Now look, I've gotten myself through it
And all that I can think about is You, is You

Who decided
it was required to use words to speak?
Wouldn't it be
just as easy
to speak with feelings?
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I can't see past
all of my past
and though I've been forgiven
the memories last

What if you see
those things deep inside me
What does that say about
the life that I lead
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All those things I should have said
don't matter anymore
Cause nothing would have changed the way
you knocked me to the floor

And even as I'm putting this
on paper with this pen
I don't think I could stop you
from doing it again
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My sanctuary just became unsafe
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Now we've used up all the stories and burned all the fuel
what's left for us to talk about?
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Nothing will ever, no never, be the way I pretend it will be
Cause all of these thoughts are just wishes I wish would just come true
How can I go on with these lies when the reality that you gave me is so much better anyway?

With all this life around me why am I so content to live entirely in my imagination?
It's not that I'd rather keep to myself, but thing go so much smoother when the conversations are my own creation

Just when I think I've successfully distracted myself with reality, I'll catch my mind wandering again

And here's the problem, there is no problems
It always works out perfectly
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Before I start I have to say that this will sound so cliche
but this is the only way I know how

To put in words what I think inside, even the things I try to hide
I'm laying them out on the table now

I feel so trapped, so trapped
Would someone kindly rescue me
But when ever I remember all the times I have abandoned you
I think it's only fair you leave me trapped in here

I just can't take anymore dissapointment
It's starting to tear up my heart

But I guess that's how you feel when ever you look down
and see how we are breaking eachother apart
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Like sheep they are led to the grave
where death will be their shepherd
but let's not let it get that far
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I really gotta say
You've gotten me into the hardest place I could be
I just don't know

What happened today?
Why does this kind of thing keep reoccuring?
I just don't know

Because you know I love you, I wish that you would see
That I love them too

It breaks my heart when I hear you broke theirs
But I feel the same way when the world has broken you
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I can't seem to sleep tonight, although I'm so tired
Tired of the questions in my mind

I just wish you were standing here, standing right beside me
So I could get the answers I'm trying to find
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So those are all the parts of songs, but here's a completed one.

Enclosed
The rain is falling down
outside my window
and I can't see the sun

Why, oh why did you leave me
Cause now I'm all alone
in the dark

And I, I can't see what's out there
and I, I can't run away
So please come inside and hold me
until the rain goes away

The wind turns the trees
and the world changes
right before my eyes

When all is quiet I will go out
but for now I will remain
enclosed

Cause I, I can't see what's out there
and I, I can't run away
So please come inside and hold me
until the rain goes away

But there is the sun
to dry the earth
and warm my flesh, cold with fear

And I realized
you never left me
You're always here to hold me close

And I, I don't know what's out there
But I, I won't run away
You're here waiting to hold me
While the rain goes away



So there you go. Enjoy. Maybe someday I'll finish the rest of those :)